Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Randomize
