so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
