yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Another day, another engagement, another cat
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
