so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
