im drinking this country out of the recession.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize