I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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