dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
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