Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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