is your mom at the bar?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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