omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
