Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize