i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
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