if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize