You're a womanizer and a bitch.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
