You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
