mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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