Barsexuality is the new black.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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