Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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