Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
