break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
