My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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