you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
