shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize