i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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