I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
