I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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