So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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