What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
