We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Randomize
