I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
