so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize