I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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