my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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