You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
