even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
