She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
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