Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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