I wanna bring you to show and tell
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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