I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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