I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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