not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize