I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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