i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
It's Friday. Sex?
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
