Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
