eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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