He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
