I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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