Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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