ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
