Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I can't turn off my feet"
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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