For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
