She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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