You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
