Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
