also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
