You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I got inside last night via doggy door
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
