Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
