I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Four minutes until I can fart!
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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