my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
