I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
