i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
