Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
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