the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
