glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
there is glitter all over my balls
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
