I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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