Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Randomize
