I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
