Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
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