Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
