man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
