Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize