So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
