Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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