Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize
