I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Come share oat with me in your robe
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
