"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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