update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
