I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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