there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
