Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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