Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
