Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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