the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
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