either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
