I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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