I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I want her autograph on my taint
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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