Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
