i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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