Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
