I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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