You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
