will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
