i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
