pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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