Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
