I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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