My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize