She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize