I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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