We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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