is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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