I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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