I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
