Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
