Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
