Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
